I feel completely inadequate to be a pastor. Maybe you can relate.

As pastors, many of us expend great effort covering our insecurities. I do. It may look like I have it together (or not.) Leading a church, I must possess talent, creativity, and spiritual energy, right? People sometimes compliment my leadership, my wisdom, and my preaching. They don't know I combat feeling that failure's just one bad decision away – constantly.

I've always battled insecurity, especially as a pastor. My first church business meeting…disaster. The chairman of the pastor search committee was also the chairman of the deacon body. He brought a recommendation to the church that was very unpopular, and frankly, I didn’t think much of it either. Before I knew it, I had sided with the people. I will never get the expression on his face out of my mind. He was crushed and hurt. He obviously felt betrayed. After several years, I now realize that his recommendation was right on target—it would have saved our church from a lot of troubled moments (ultimately we represented his resolution and it passed.) Unfortunately, it was after he had moved to another city.

Did I mention I feel completely inadequate?

Why do I feel this way? First, I don't feel I know enough. I wasn't a Christian until college. I had never read the Bible. In a college Bible class, I was asked to name Pilate's wife. I responded with, "I think it was CO-Pilate." He didn't laugh. Humiliating.

Didn't you learn anything in seminary, Tom? Nope. Didn’t go until well into my forties and graduated after I turned fifty.

I also don't feel I'm good enough. Respectable pastors are righteous. No bad words, bad thoughts, anger, jealousy – just faith, peace, and Christ-likeness. The pastors I admire have everything together. They're eloquent, proper, and spiritually mature.

Then there's me.

I'll ashamedly admit I've used a bad word. Not just any bad word – a really, really bad word. We came home to discover that our roof was leaking and water was saturating our brand new carpet. Frantically, I began grabbing waste baskets trying to catch the stream. Just as I thought I had it solved, I discovered two more leaks in our bedroom, in the closet, clothes and carpet were dripping this time.

Before I realized it, a word formed mentally – and rapidly escaped. My whole person participated. Pastors never say that word. How could God's love – and such filth – flow from the same mouth?

I've also made too many mistakes. The things I don't want to do, I do. Jealous, proud, doubtful, critical, gossipy, competitive – and there's more. And before I know it, I've forgotten that God's grace and power can forgive every mistake, correct every flaw.

I was discussing my feelings with a pastor friend of mine. Out of his sage wisdom he said, “Holland, there are 2 things you need to remember;

• First, don't believe everything your fans say about you. Some believe their pastor can do no wrong. Sure, they love you, but they can't help you improve. They may even tempt you in the wrong direction. Don't believe your positive press because you’re not that good.

• Second, don't believe your critics. The more you accomplish, the more you'll attract harsh criticism. Wisdom involves contemplating constructive criticism, but focusing exclusively on negative press eventually makes you defensive. Other people's opinions about you don't matter. It’s only what God thinks about you that really matters. Don't listen exclusively to your fans or to your critics.

And finally, he said, “The best piece of advice I can offer is this—spend time with Jesus. He’ll tell you what you need to hear.”

Great wisdom, don’t you think?